Tuesday, 12 July 2011

An Introduction to 'Life After Joel'

I feel mostly it will be those that knew and loved Joel also who will be reading this blog.  This is for the benefit of those who didn't, and to let those who DID know him and DO love him still the reason behind what I am doing.

Joel.... my darling husband

For those that didn't... Joel Thomas Milburn was my beloved husband.  We met originally in Trillians Rock Bar in Newcastle Upon Tyne.  I fell in love with him then, back in 1996 and it took many years, me moving to West Bromwich then to Norwich and many years of non-communication (he had a girlfriend at the time, I had a boyfriend and my motto then as now was not to tread on toes) until a mutual friend put us in touch in 2007 he came to Norwich to visit me in early December 2007 and I came up here 27th December 2007 and the rest they say is history.  We got engaged, lived together, attempted (but failed... more later) to have children together, got married and handfasted (13th and 15th respectively) September last year and he died in hospital following a seizure on 15th June 2011.  We cremated him on 23rd June at Saltwell Crematorium, Gateshead, and at the time of writing his ashes are (mostly - he was so big they had to put him in 2 urns!  So Mam still has the partially filled urn at hers,) sitting on the 'shrine' (I'll explain in another post) to Joel in the living room.
This could be viewed as a method of judging how I'm coping, and also as a tool maybe to help others who have or are going thru, or indeed (I hope not, but these things happen) may go thru these things in the future.  To that end, Life After Joel is my way of dealing with things to a small extent.  I will be going thru a range of emotions, as I'm not going to mince my words.  If I have been crying my heart out over finding a scrap of paper that he's written 'ARSE' on then I will tell you about it, if I'm having a good day remembering silly things that we did together, I will tell you that too!

It will be funny as I can make it, anyone who knew and loved Joel can't think of him without thinking of at least ONE funny thing to smile about.  He was adored by all that knew him.... and I miss him.

I wish I didn't have to live life without him, but as the man himself used to say when I said 'I'd die for you Joel!', he'd respond in one of his rare serious moments with 'I'd rather you lived for me hun!'

Now bear with me as I'm new to this blogging lark, and forgive me for being downright BLUNT at times, but if I'm feeling the pain more strongly some days, I will tell you.  Also just for the fainthearted, Joel didn't mince his words, being descended from border mercenaries and blunt Yorkshiremen (salt of the earth but you've got to admit... BLUNT!!) and a staunch Geordie (and very proud of it!!) to boot Joel was NOT subtle at the best of times so if I'm re-canting some of his anecdotes or a silly story about something he did that I've just found out or remembered, then be aware that some of it might be 'adult' rated!!

I hope you will enjoy this and come to heal alongside me, those that knew him.


  1. Hi Pol, I am have bookmarked your new blog and will look forward to reading about your journey. I, of course, didn't know Joel but I am anticipating feeling as if I knew him. I think I will see signs of my Dad, a staunch Yorkshirman, and my beloved Maurice, a staunch Geordie. Hang in there my friend, grieve does become easier after time. Maurice has been gone now for three years and I feel lonely for him lots of times. But it is easier. I have just had photos of him, and him and I turned into canvas prints and can look at his photo and want it on my wall with a smile not tears. I placed some of Maurice's ashes in the Tyne but I still have an urn next to picture of him on top of my china cabinet.

    Enjoy blogging it will be good for you to journal.

    "Mam" Crewe

  2. Thanks Mam Crewe, your words mean a lot *hugs* xx

  3. Oh my gosh... Pol i´m thinking of you..